Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
