A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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