the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think my fart just growled at me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
