i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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