remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Who wears a wallet chain?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
