I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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