Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
