I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
