what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
