i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
