dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
