new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
