it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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