Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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