He had one of those small greek statue penises
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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