oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
