Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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