That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
