I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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