I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
