You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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