he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this hospital has no fireball
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
