So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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