How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
where are you?
Hypothermia
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
