Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
