Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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