Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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