remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
