I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
