I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
