Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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