Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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