I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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