Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
