I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
how drunk are you?
Several
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
