he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
