First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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