plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize