nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
