we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
