Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
