that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
