my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize