I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
