I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
