why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
