if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
