I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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