No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
