Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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