Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
