Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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