I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize