Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
