I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
