just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize