The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
