I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
