i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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