Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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