if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
