So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
