U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
