dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
