I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
