Your dad touched me again.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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