so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We got so high we made milksteak
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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