I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
