The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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