dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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