She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think a kid would responsible me up
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
