White coat. Heels.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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