Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
