I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
