If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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