I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize