but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
