I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
