NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
