I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
