Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
